I started this blog as a way to force myself to be positive and find the things in my life that are awesome and beautiful. I knew I needed to search for the light even when we were being crushed by financial pressures, when I was doubting my purpose because I wasn’t being challenged at work, or even those phases where depression’s crushing grip felt like it could never be undone.
I’ve always been an oversharer, so much so that I set up a website so that anyone on this glorious blue dot in space could read my words and share my stupid, pointless, insignificant feelings if they wanted.
If you read this blog regularly, you may have noticed things have been slow and times have been hard. I found myself feeling compelled to apologize for simply being alive and having feelings. I’ve been trying to stay in control and act “normal.” I saw beautiful things happening in the world around me, I knew that the light existed, but it wasn’t penetrating. I wanted to stop feeling so no one would see or be stained by my misery.
This space is where I get to tell you how stupid that is. Why does our culture find feelings so obscene? You should be allowed to feel exactly whatever it is that you need to feel. There’s nothing wrong or stupid or selfish about any of it. It’s who you are, and who you are is beautiful and truly, truly awesome.
If you want to dance and sing in the street, do it. If you need to go home and punch your pillow or kick the shit out of the dummy at the gym, do it. And most especially if you just can’t handle it anymore, ask for help. How you’re feeling is very real, and it matters. You matter. I promise.
Negativity is poison and must be purged. Do not keep that crap in for the sake of others. Find a way to release it. Maybe you can’t tell your boss or your neighbor to suck it. That’s probably not prudent, but tell a friend. Don’t worry that you’re bothering them or bringing them down or any of those other excuses we make up to be nice. Just be you.
Possibly one of the best things about this beautiful terrible world we all share is that happiness, joy, and love are contagious. If you’re having an amazing moment, don’t hide that either. So what if people stare. You go right on being just as awesome as you possibly can be. Come and find me so I can give you a high five.
The urge to apologize for this emotional rant is strong, my friends, but I’m not going to do it. I’m going to allow myself to feel. Loudly and publicly. I’m going to let go of what hurts and seek joy. It might be a little easier if we do it together. Are you with me? Let’s be awesome!