I never ever want to eat salad. Like basically ever. Every once in a while, I will convince myself to do it. I’ll occasionally swap out french fries for a side salad if I’m feeling really guilty, but only if there’s a creamy dressing of some type. I’ll go to the salad bar at Pizza Hut since it’s included, but it’s mainly to have something to distract me while I wait for cheese and carbs. I seriously don’t think there’s ever been a moment in my life where I thought having a salad was actually a good idea.
But I made you a salad anyway because it’s what people do sometimes. It’s okay, though, because I put bacon on it. I also used the bacon grease in the dressing. It’s basically not healthy at all.
Putting bacon and eggs in a salad is not as awesome as putting them on toast with cheese, but as salads go, this one is pretty good. And you actually feel like you’ve eaten something when you’re done. You’re not just wandering around desperate for more food and feeling like a terrible person because the whole reason you ate a salad in the first place was because you know you eat too much.
I’m not really selling this, am I? My point is, this salad doesn’t suck. Make yourself a bacon and egg salad and leave the self-loathing at the door for a night.
- 4 eggs
- 1 large head of your favorite lettuce (or two smaller ones, ya know, enough for two people)
- 1 garlic clove
- 4-6 slices of bacon (whatever's leftover in your fridge)
- 1 Tablespoon Dijon mustard
- 4 teaspoons cider vinegar
- Put your eggs in a small saucepan and fill with water just until your eggs are submerged. Put this over high heat and bring to a boil. Allow the water to boil for one minute and then turn off the heat. Leave everything alone for ten minutes. Pour cold water over the eggs, then park them in the fridge until you're ready for them.
- Chop or tear your lettuce and throw it in your salad bowl.
- Crack a clove of garlic by placing it under the flat of your knife and giving it a good whack. Peel the garlic and put it in your frying pan with just a touch of oil if you have it. Turn the heat under your frying pan to medium
- Using scissors, cut your bacon into small pieces over your frying pan. Stir frequently and cook until the bacon is crisp.
- Drain the bacon on a paper towel lined plate, and discard the garlic. (Or not, if that's your thing.) Remove the frying pan from the heat.
- Add the Dijon mustard to your bacon fat and carefully whisk these two together until combined.
- Whisk in the vinegar and Worcestershire.
- Season your lettuce if you like and add your bacon and dressing. Toss lightly.
- Peel your eggs, then cut them into quarters and add these to your salad. Give it a final gentle toss, then try to convince yourself you're having a healthy meal whilst eating lettuce coated in bacon fat. It's gonna be so awesome!
