1 large head of your favorite lettuce (or two smaller ones, ya know, enough for two people)
1 garlic clove
4-6 slices of bacon (whatever's leftover in your fridge)
1 Tablespoon Dijon mustard
4 teaspoons cider vinegar
Put your eggs in a small saucepan and fill with water just until your eggs are submerged. Put this over high heat and bring to a boil. Allow the water to boil for one minute and then turn off the heat. Leave everything alone for ten minutes. Pour cold water over the eggs, then park them in the fridge until you're ready for them.
Chop or tear your lettuce and throw it in your salad bowl.
Crack a clove of garlic by placing it under the flat of your knife and giving it a good whack. Peel the garlic and put it in your frying pan with just a touch of oil if you have it. Turn the heat under your frying pan to medium
Using scissors, cut your bacon into small pieces over your frying pan. Stir frequently and cook until the bacon is crisp.
Drain the bacon on a paper towel lined plate, and discard the garlic. (Or not, if that's your thing.) Remove the frying pan from the heat.
Add the Dijon mustard to your bacon fat and carefully whisk these two together until combined.
Season your lettuce if you like and add your bacon and dressing. Toss lightly.
Peel your eggs, then cut them into quarters and add these to your salad. Give it a final gentle toss, then try to convince yourself you're having a healthy meal whilst eating lettuce coated in bacon fat. It's gonna be so awesome!