There’s only one thing you can do to reach your goals, and that’s to keep working toward them. And don’t forget to be awesome.
If there’s one thing I’m really good at, it’s quitting. I’ve lost track of the of how many times I almost quit writing this silly little food blog. I’d put in a bunch of time and energy for a few weeks, then life would get stressful, and it was an easy thing to eliminate. “Nobody reads it anyway, so what’s the point,” I’d tell myself. I’d throw a little pity party in my mind and justify not putting in the effort.
I completely erased the possibility of making blogging a job. I sucked, so what was the point? No, I wouldn’t even let myself think about it. I should just learn to be satisfied with what I have. It’s not a terrible life. So what if I wasn’t completely in love with my job? Most people aren’t. I’m just being selfish wanting something that I will clearly never be able to achieve. Just quit.
But for some reason, I always came back. Sometimes I’d disappear for weeks, but I’d always find my way back somehow. Why? Why couldn’t I just make a clean break and walk away?
I think it’s because I still really wanted it. I still had a spark of belief that I could do what other people had done and support myself with a food blog. Look, I don’t need six figures. I just want to have some control over my life. I want to have my success measured by my own work, and not by the whims of a teenager. Mostly, I just really want to bake cookies in my yoga pants instead of going to the office.
But when I feel overwhelmed and discouraged, quitting is so easy. So tempting. Nobody else is depending on me. I can just walk away, and it won’t matter. It won’t matter to anyone but me. I’ll know that I failed at yet another thing. I gave up because I’m a loser.
One of the things I’ve been doing the past few months is really putting a lot of intentional effort into changing the way I talk to myself. I was extremely hard on myself, and maybe you are, too. How many times a day do we allow the voice in our head to criticize and belittle us? Probably too many to count. You would never, for a minute, considering talking that way to a friend, but when it’s just you alone in your head, you suddenly turn into a complete monster.
Despite all these good intentions, there are have been times in the past few weeks where, yet again, that voice in my head has told me to quit. I’m wasting my time. It will never work. I’m awful, and I should just give up now. Take a nap or watch a movie instead. I suck. Get used to it.
But this time, I’m not listening.
I’m trying to change a lot about myself and the way I approach my blog right now. I’m never going to turn it into a business if I just keep quitting. The only way to get ahead is to keep moving forward. Maybe it’s true that I’m just not good enough. That’s one version of the story I could tell myself. Or maybe I just need to work harder, get better, become so good they can’t ignore me.
I choose to keep working. To keep learning, to keep growing, to keep trying, right here in front of your eyes. And I sincerely hope that if there’s something you’ve been turning away from because it was easier not to try, that you give it one more go. Put your whole soul into it this time, and just see what happens. And then when it seems like it’s not going to work, just try a little harder this time.
Trust me. There are enough people in this world who want to tell us that we suck. We don’t need to do it to ourselves. So let me tell you right now that you are brilliant. You deserve to have your dreams come true. Whatever you do, don’t quit. Don’t let that negative voice boss you around. Get up in the morning, take a shower, put on your favorite shirt, remind yourself that you are awesome, and go out there and kick some ass, friends. It’s gonna be the best year yet. We’ll get there together.
It’s my 41st birthday, friends. I’ve been in my 40’s for a whole year now. Have I gained any wisdom? I don’t know, but I’ve certainly learned a few things. Turns out, being 40 is actually pretty awesome.
For most of my 39th year, I fretted about turning 40. My mom died when she was only 48, so it felt entirely possible that the end of my life could be approaching. Having a 4 at the start of your age seemed so much older than a 3. People still accomplish things in their 30s. People in their 40s are supposed to be settled, stable, normal.
I didn’t really feel like any of those things. My job, while decent, was a dead end. I felt broke all the time. I worried that being 40 would change things. Turns out, like most things I worried about, it was no big deal.
On being 40
Considering the fact that when I was 30 I completely blew up my life, I guess I actually was pretty settled and stable at 40. I’m married to a man who absolutely treasures me. He’s someone I definitely wouldn’t want to live without. I have confidence in my relationship, and I know how special that is.
I know myself better than I ever have before. I’ve set boundaries around my life and my energy that serve me and allow me to sleep at night. And while I have yet to completely break the habit of stressing about money, I actually feel like we’ll be okay financially. That’s a big deal.
And now that I feel all stable and settled, I can finally start thinking about what makes me feel most fulfilled. I’ve developed a spiritual practice that was completely absent for most of my 30s. I’ve realized it’s actually fine to focus on myself. And guess what. I’m much happier.
Old Lady Advice
Most of my friends are much younger than me, and I find myself constantly giving them lots of unsolicited “old lady” advice. Here are a few things I wish I had known when I was younger.
It’s okay to say no, even at work. Protect your energy. Energy is everything.
If you’re not getting paid, don’t work late. Your energy and expertise have value, and you should be compensated for them.
Just go to dance class. You can probably still keep up with those college kids, and even if you can’t, who cares.
It will always feel awesome when someone says you look 27.
Wear sunscreen every damn day.
Getting carded at the bar eventually just becomes annoying.
If you want to change something in your life, just do it. You don’t need anyone’s permission.
With a few exceptions, you’re never too old to start something new.
Going to bed early with a stack of books is actually what all the cool kids are doing.
Napping is the new black.
Find the thing that makes you feel connected to the Universe. If that thing happens to be witchcraft, even cooler.
Consider an item’s value and cost, not just its price. Buy things you love that will last.
Don’t waste your time on people who don’t respect you. Be polite, but don’t be a pushover.
Always keep ice cream in your freezer.
Most of the things you are worrying about right now are no big deal. Let it go.
You’re going to make mistakes. Apologize, and most importantly, forgive yourself.
You don’t need to do anything to be enough. You are already enough.
I’ve enjoyed being 40, and I’m excited to see what I can accomplish in the next 10 years. I know who I am and what I want, and I’m less and less hungry for approval with every passing year. Yeah, I have some wrinkles, and I can’t move as quickly as I used to. It’s worth it to know that I am worthy of love. It may have taken me longer than some other people to get where I’ve gotten in life, but what I’ve learned at 40 is that it takes as long as it takes.
It’s a kinder, gentler world at 40. I’m loving it, despite the previous fretting. Aging is a privilege denied to many. I plan to do my best to enjoy every day. I hope you do, too.
I started this blog as a way to force myself to be positive and find the things in my life that are awesome and beautiful. I knew I needed to search for the light even when we were being crushed by financial pressures, when I was doubting my purpose because I wasn’t being challenged at work, or even those phases where depression’s crushing grip felt like it could never be undone.
I’ve always been an oversharer, so much so that I set up a website so that anyone on this glorious blue dot in space could read my words and share my stupid, pointless, insignificant feelings if they wanted.
If you read this blog regularly, you may have noticed things have been slow and times have been hard. I found myself feeling compelled to apologize for simply being alive and having feelings. I’ve been trying to stay in control and act “normal.” I saw beautiful things happening in the world around me, I knew that the light existed, but it wasn’t penetrating. I wanted to stop feeling so no one would see or be stained by my misery.
This space is where I get to tell you how stupid that is. Why does our culture find feelings so obscene? You should be allowed to feel exactly whatever it is that you need to feel. There’s nothing wrong or stupid or selfish about any of it. It’s who you are, and who you are is beautiful and truly, truly awesome.
If you want to dance and sing in the street, do it. If you need to go home and punch your pillow or kick the shit out of the dummy at the gym, do it. And most especially if you just can’t handle it anymore, ask for help. How you’re feeling is very real, and it matters. You matter. I promise.
Negativity is poison and must be purged. Do not keep that crap in for the sake of others. Find a way to release it. Maybe you can’t tell your boss or your neighbor to suck it. That’s probably not prudent, but tell a friend. Don’t worry that you’re bothering them or bringing them down or any of those other excuses we make up to be nice. Just be you.
Possibly one of the best things about this beautiful terrible world we all share is that happiness, joy, and love are contagious. If you’re having an amazing moment, don’t hide that either. So what if people stare. You go right on being just as awesome as you possibly can be. Come and find me so I can give you a high five.
The urge to apologize for this emotional rant is strong, my friends, but I’m not going to do it. I’m going to allow myself to feel. Loudly and publicly. I’m going to let go of what hurts and seek joy. It might be a little easier if we do it together. Are you with me? Let’s be awesome!
Renee is still stuck in the hospital so Geoff is here to keep you company again. I’m constantly researching the convoluted ways of moving to different countries. Call it a, “hobby” if you will! I figured that as I’m doing the hard work, I should impart some of my wisdom to you, the lucky readers. Immigration lawyers are expensive and generally not-needed. Some countries are relatively easy, others keep you wrapped up in red tape. Hopefully we’ll be able to save you some of your hard-earned money in the time-honored “Awesome On $20” way. Let’s look at UK immigration first of all.
Our first option is the official UK Government route for coming home with a non-EU spouse.
To qualify for a spouse visa the UK citizen needs to meet the following specifications:
Needs a confirmed job offer for a job in the UK, earning £18,600 or more per year, starting no more than 3 months after your application.
Needs to have been earning the foreign equivalent of £18,600 per year for either 6 months (if you have worked for the same employer for the last six months and are still employed with them at the time of application) or 12 months (averaged out over the last 12 months for multiple jobs).
If you have children that you are also bringing with you, the amount is increased by £3,800 for the first child and then an extra £2,400 per child.
Note: If you have £62,500 or more in savings (and have had that in your account for at least 6 months) then none of this applies to you. You are automatically awarded a visa. Congratulations.
The tricky part is actually getting a job without having a face to face interview. I did manage to get my first job in the US while I was still living in Taiwan, via Skype, but not sure how common this is. If you can afford to fly home for interviews, great, but if you are like the rest of us, this probably isn’t an option. Of course there’s a whole load of paperwork and “evidence” that you need to collect to show that you earn a certain amount. Click HERE to get detailed info straight from the horse’s arse mouth. This visa costs £885.
The second option is called the “Surinder Singh” route. So called after a famous court case. Basically, this is a back-door option that circumvents the UK Government’s visa restrictions. If the UK citizen goes to live and work in another EU country, their non-EU spouse can go with them and also work. Once you can prove that the UK citizen’s ‘centre of life’ has moved to the other EU country, you are free to apply for an EEA Family Permit. This permit is as good as a visa and allows you to live and work in the UK indefinitely! The guideline for time spent in the other EU country is 3 months minimum.
When applying for the EEA Family Permit, you’ll need:
Proof of address for the UK citizen in the other EU country (rental agreement or perhaps bank statements).
Proof of ‘integration’ (anything that shows the UK citizen became involved with the local community. Maybe a letter from a club or society).
Proof that the UK citizen was working (wage slips, contracts, tax returns etc).
The best thing about the Surinder Singh route is that there’s no cost for an EEA Family Permit! How’s that for being Awesome on $20?
Other European citizens can move to the UK straight away and work with no hassle! A Polish person could bring an Indian spouse into the UK easier than a Brit bringing in an American! Crazy!
Stay tuned for more free immigration advice. Next time we will look at getting your American Green Card!
Hopefully Renee will be back on her feet and making delicious treats for you fine folks in no time at all. Here’s to a quick recovery!
Aloha everyone, it’s Geoff here again to share another chicken-related post with you fine folks! My top ten tips on how to raise backyard chickens.
Now, not all of this information may be applicable. We live in the tropics and don’t have any natural chicken predators. It’s also nice and hot all year round, so no weather issues to deal with! But sit back and enjoy…and go out there and get yourself a couple of chickens. You’ll wonder why you never had one in the first place.
1) The coop
Now, first things first…you are going to need a place for your little nuggets to live. There are plenty of chicken coops out there for you to buy ready-made. However, I suggest you try to build your own if you have at least a tiny bit of wood-working experience. We are on awesomeon20.com after all!
The most important things in the coop are the roost (somewhere for them to sleep) and the nestbox (somewhere for them to lay eggs). The dominant chickens always want to sleep above the lower-ranking birds so make sure you have a couple of levels for them to roost on. You will probably want one nest box for every three or four chickens.
We don’t have any predators of ADULT chickens here in Hawaii but the chicks can easily be taken by cats, mongoose, dogs, owls etc. Make sure that you don’t have any large spaces for these predators to get through or small spaces that your chicks can get out of!
2) Collecting eggs
Your chickens are going to start laying eggs. If you want them to lay eggs in your nestbox then you need to show them. I recommend buying a set of ceramic “dummy” eggs. By placing these eggs in the nextbox and showing them to the chickens, they will start to lay in the correct place. We also had a problem where our nuggets started to eat their own eggs. This was also corrected by placing the ceramic eggs in the middle of the garden. When they would try to peck them, they didn’t break and they soon became bored.
3) Pick them up
One of the most important aspects of keeping chickens is to get your girls used to being handled. Try to pick each of the nuggets up at least once a day. As well as giving you some awesome chicken-time, this desensitizes the girls to being picked up. You can check them for any scrapes or cuts and carry them around. The earlier you start this, the better. We raised two of our chickens from day-old chicks and they got used to being handled pretty quickly. Make the experience more appealing by giving them a treat as you pick them up!
4) Chicken enrichment
We touched a little on chicken enrichment in a previous blog post, here. Chickens are actually pretty clever animals and they can easily become bored. Make sure that you have interesting things in the garden for them to peck at or climb on. Change things up as often as you can to keep their bird-brains active. Hang food in interesting places so they have to jump up to get it. Place shiny objects in the garden so they can check out their reflections . . . I mean, check out the other chicken staring back at them. I built a swing for our chickens but they didn’t seem too thrilled. Other chickens I’ve seen online seem to love their swings. Each chicken has her own personality, likes and dislikes!
Every so often, you are going to have a sick chicken. I’m definitely not professing to being an expert in chicken health, and this should not be a substitute for taking your chickens to the vet, but I have a couple of handy tips that helped me.
The first brush with illness involved eye-worms. After an extensive Google search, I bought some medicine online, VetRX. This is a kind of Jack-of-all-trades medication that claims to help out with a variety of illnesses. Dropping the medicine into the chickens’ eyes was easy enough (although they didn’t talk to me for a while after that), but the bottle also called for swabbing the liquid on the inside of their upper beak. If you’ve ever tried to swab inside a chicken’s beak…you’ll know that it’s pretty difficult. I came up with the idea of coating a small chunk of bread in the liquid and getting them to swab their own beaks as they stuffed their faces…
Another harrowing illness involved having to tube-feed one of our chickens. We had gotten a quick lesson from the vet, however nothing prepared us for having to do it ourselves. Take it from me, this goes MUCH more smoothly if you have a helper. It takes one of you to hold the chicken down and another to hold the head and do the feeding! Watch out that you don’t pour food down her windpipe too . . . always aim your dropper down the side of the throat!
A common problem with chickens is egg-binding, where an egg gets stuck inside the hen. We had a chicken who became egg-bound. One trick that can help her pass the egg is to give her a warm bath. Fill up a tub with warm water that reaches above her vent (chicken butt) and place the chicken in. She will probably not like this all too much. Gently massaging her abdomen towards her vent can sometimes help the egg out. Unfortunately this particular girl didn’t make it. She did perk up a little after I managed to get the egg out but we think that she had more underlying health issues!
Incidentally, handling your chickens regularly (see point #5) will help you to identify problems pretty early!
Full instructions on how to build a super-easy automatic food dispenser can be found here. You will invariably attract a whole host of neighbourhood birds with your chickens’ food. We found that we were going through food at an astronomical rate when we first put out girls outside. I’d seen automatic feeders online that open when the chickens stand on them. This took wood-working skills and tools that I did not possess. After creating my own feeder, we didn’t waste so much food!
Molting is super scary! Your chicken basically loses all of her feathers and grows new ones. This usually happens with the shorter days in the Fall and she will most likely stop laying eggs while this happens. Make sure that you give them plenty of protein to help them produce new feathers. If you can get them some lovely juicy worms or jumping crickets they will love you forever. Try to avoid handling them during their molt as it can be quite painful for them, and try to avoid adding any extra stress into their lives.
8) Clipping their wings
Wing clipping can be traumatizing, both for the chickens and for you. If you don’t feel comfortable restraining a chicken whilst you clip off the ends of her flight feathers, then ask a friend to help. Our chickens told us that they needed their wings clipped after then got into the neighbour’s garden. The easiest way that I found for a stress-free clipping session was to wait until dusk. Sitting in the garden, stroking a sleepy chicken in your lap, gently stretch out one of her wings. You should probably watch a few videos on YouTube before attempting the ‘snip’. If you snip off too much, you will see blood…and potentially a dead chicken. Remember to only clip one wing. It’s not the shorter feathers that stops them flying, it’s the imbalance that this causes.
Your neighbours are going to crucial to you mental well-being whilst you are keeping chickens. They can complain to your landlord, or they can become your bestest buddy. If your garden backs on to a neighbours garden, make sure that you little nuggets can’t get into their vegetable patch! Chickens are voracious feeders and can decimate a patch of lettuce or cabbage or basil in minutes! They are also little poop machines. I’m sure that your neighbour doesn’t wasn’t to clean up chicken poop from their decking.
Chickens can and will make noise. It doesn’t matter that you don’t have a rooster, your girl cackle and crow like the best of them. If our hen, Daenerys, notices that we haven’t gotten out of bed in time, she will proudly walk over to our window and crow like a rooster…well…kind of like a rooster being strangled! All this noise is bound to upset a light-sleeping neighbour.
Keep the neighbours sweet by loading them up with fresh eggs! No one can stay mad at you for too long if they never have to buy eggs from the store again! Encourage the neighbours to give them treats and talk to the chickens as often as possible…you can’t stay mad at a fluffy ball of feathers that follows you around the garden!
10) Plant pots
This may seem strange, but out chickens are terrified of plant pots. Maybe its the way they move? More likely it’s because a giant pile of plastic pots toppled over when our girls were just learning how to fly and they landed on it. We use this to our advantage by tying pots to anywhere that we don’t want the girls to go. We have some on our gate, some on top of the washer and some on the fence separating our garden from the neighbour’s garden. This now means that we don’t have to clip their wings anymore…they don’t even try to go near the pots! Now, I realize that this is a very specific thing to be scared of. Chances are your chickens won’t be petrified of plastic pots. Chances are they are scared of something though! Use this knowledge to sculpt your birds’ behaviour and make things a little easier for yourself. They are clever animals but they are also chicken sh*ts…
I hope that these tips have been helpful for any prospective or existing chicken owners. If you have any questions or suggestions please feel free to leave them in the comments below! Until next time, friends…